Hamilton torn over whose cars to crash

LEWIS Hamilton is facing a dilemma over which team’s cars he is going to smash into a wall, it has emerged.

Lewis crashed his first go-kart at the age of three

The accomplished car demolisher has been having a difficult time at McLaren, as Formula 1 chiefs doggedly refuse to award points to competitors who cross the finish line pedalling the remains of their car with their feet, like Fred Flintstone.

Hamilton said: “While Ferrari’s new fuel intake design offers better speed through the corners, into the gravel traps and against the barriers, Lotus are doing some interesting things with their collapsible bumpers and wings that just pop off at the merest shunt.

“Wherever I go they will need to have the right blend of ambition, innovation and fully-functioning airbags.”

Hamilton has vowed to stay focused on his crashing for the rest of the season, ensuring Mclaren’s engineers have to work late every weekend piecing back together vehicles like multimillion pound Airfix models.

Other constructors are already preparing bids to tempt the former world champion, as the not-sport comes to terms with the fact that the crashes are the only thing normal people are interested in.

Mercedes have tabled a bid worth £60M over three years for Hamilton, £52M of which is for medical insurance.

Motorsport agent Tom Logan said: “Lewis is a valuable brand and can guarantee sponsors that their logo will be seen on news channels across the world, even if it is in slow motion, upside-down and on fire.”