Indians allowed into pavilion bar

ENGLAND have rewarded India’s act of noble savagery by admitting them to the Trent Bridge bar to drink amongst gentlemen.

Mr Dhoni is a testament to English sportsmanship

After Ian Bell was ushered back to the crease having been rudely distracted by a run-out decision, the ECB have acknowledged that their opponents may one day achieve civilisation.

A video of the incident is to be sent to the West Indian and Australian cricket boards as an example of how ex-colonies should behave toward their betters.

ECB chief, Roy Hobbs, said: “Dashed decent of the fuzzies to give Belly another bash and we may even consider letting them use the showers at Edgbaston.

“Ordinarily they have to hose themselves down in the groundkeeper’s shed but, by golly, I think they’ve earned it.”

Hobbs added: “When Belly was given his papers, I went to speak with their tribal leader Dhoni to point out this wasn’t on and he’d feel the business end of my swagger stick if he didn’t buck his ideas up.

“But do you know, he was civility itself and said he’d had a pow-wow with the rest of his chaps and already decided to do the square thing. So after the day’s play, I thought we’d let convention hang and allow them into the bar for the first time – not at the firewater, of course, as it sends them off their rocker.”

India’s decision has been hailed as a great example of sportsmanship but several Premier League football clubs have condemned it as failing to enter into the spirit of being a shower of complete arseholes.

Sir Alex Ferguson said: “What I don’t understand is why the wicket keeper doesn’t flick the batsman in the swingers while nobody’s looking.”