It's a right old pram-and-elbow, say West Ham fans


WEST Ham supporters have admitted that the entire season has been a proper roast tomato.

They've only gone and cucumbered it right in the Crabtree and Evelyn

Despite captain Scott Parker being voted Johnny Large-Cheeks by the Football Writers’ Association, their 3-2 defeat to Wigan will see them playing in the Plum Cupcake league next season.

Footballogist Wayne Hayes said: “They’re generally incomprehensible apart from the racially-abusive epithets but from what I can gather the fans have found the whole thing to be a right pain in the Jude Law.

“They feel that the new owners failed to invest in a sufficiently brass elephant, did not give the old six-and-four-fifths a thorough cabbaging and now the club is elbows deep in the Coldplay.

“This could be a comment on the players, the stadium or the hotdog vendors but I was too terrified to ask for clarification.”

Grief counsellors are being rushed through a foundation course in Cocknese to field calls from distraught fans and the club has already instructed clubs in the Championship that, under the equalities act, their stadia will need signage written in both English and cheerfully aggressive rhyming gibberish.

Hayes said: “My experimental Cockney frequently points at photographs of the Jules Rimet trophy and then points at the crest on his West Ham harness, which we think indicates his connection between the England side and his own.

“There are certainly parallels between England and the current West Ham as both have been managed by a hapless foreigner and couldn’t beat a carpet.”

Slow punctured manager Avram Grant was fired after yesterday’s match but added: “I wish the club all the success they deserve and want the fans to know thatI think they’re all Mondeo-varnishing hedge strimmers.”



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