Martin Jol in morality expectation confusion
MARTIN Jol is to be sat sat down and have the last 50 years of football explained to him, the FA has confirmed.
The boulder-headed Fulham manager lodged a complaint about Liverpool’s pursuit of striker Clint Dempsey with the heartbreakingly naive and misplaced anticipation of fairness normally only seen in abattoir-bound lambs.
An FA spokesman said: “He was just crying and shaking and asking why Clint preferred a team that were prepared to pay him twice as much as he is, all the while clutching a Dempsey scarf he’d made.
“He really did think that the adoration of thousands, more money than can sensibly be spent in a single lifetime and job security in a recession would be enough to make a normal person want to stay.
“I hardly had the heart to tell him.”
Jol will now spend the next week in the FA’s office going through videos of English football, starting in 1960 with lots of Brylcreemed, gap-toothed ex-miners treating it like an actual job.
If Jol still considers Liverpool’s conduct to be unusually unscrupulous by the time they reach the 1980s, he will be tested for brain damage and told to grow up by Stuart Pearce.
Fulham also made enquiries about why they are not playing in the Champion’s League, why they can’t have an 80,000 seater stadium like Barcelona and why other teams are allowed to have players that are quicker, stronger and better than theirs.
The spokesman added: “We’re going to explain it with puppets.”