Original Fifa movie script accidentally shredded before FBI visit

THE original script for the new Fifa movie was accidentally destroyed just before FBI investigators arrived at the organisation’s headquarters.

Fifa officials confirmed the screenplay for United Passions was left next to a pile of papers that were being shredded ‘for perfectly normal reasons’.

A source said: “It was really good. It had dramatic tension, some very tasteful sex and a beautifully crafted scene where Sepp Blatter plays chess with Thabo Mbeki.

“But it got shredded as part of the routine office tidy up we always do when we see the FBI in the car park.

“Anyway, it meant we had to cobble together this piece of shit. Sorry.”

Meanwhile, the DVD will include a 110 minute ‘blooper reel’ consisting of Tim Roth repeatedly stopping mid-scene and asking himself what the hell he is doing before Sepp Blatter throws a big wad of money at his face.

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Kate Moss launches world’s first debauched airline

MODEL Kate Moss has launched partyJet, an airline that encourages passengers to get wasted.

After being escorted from an easyJet flight by police, the multi-millionaire bought the company and employed a group of chaotic, emaciated indie drummers and fashion PRs to rebrand it.

Kate Moss said: “EasyJet is dead, it was bollocks anyway, long live partyJet. We will have Libertines-type bands playing live on the planes and it is fine to smoke fags or have group sex in the toilets.

“On partyJet you can do what you want, which includes having a go at flying the plane and opening the emergency door just for a laugh.

“However we reserve the right to ban passengers who are not physically attractive.”

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