Someone Apparently Taking Portsmouth Seriously

THE death threats to Jermain Defoe suggest someone may actually be taking Portsmouth seriously, experts said last night.

Defoe could soon be doing this for money somewhere else

Defoe said he had received a series of menacing calls from people who seemed surprised he would want to play for another team.

A club spokesman said: "I suppose if it was Man Utd or Arsenal you could understand people being remotely interested in what the players are up to, but it's just Portsmouth.

"I was born and brought up here, my whole life is here and I even work for the club, but I don't really care, because – guess what? – it's just Portsmouth.

"Sure it's nice when they win, but to be perfectly honest I've got better things to do on a Saturday afternoon than watch Portsmouth. I mean, who doesn't?"

Dr Tom Logan, of the Institute for Studies, said: "It is always troubling when people take football seriously, but to take Portsmouth seriously really is moving things to a new and dangerous level.

"You'd think they'd be grateful to have any kind of football club given that it's such a wet, windy, godforsaken place, where the streets are filled with revolting semen."

He added: "The important thing to remember about professional football is that it's basically a child's game but with Range Rovers, Aston Martins and big-titted blonde girls getting pumped in the local Marriott."