Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) No word yet from the Secret Escapes website on how they can get your sister out of her seven-stretch in Holloway.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR) On an autumn night there's nothing nicer than curling up on the sofa with a good book. So why spoil things by trying to actually read it?

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) This Saturday you have a fight in the lift of The Shard. Things escalate quickly.

Your astrological week ahead with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Your application to the Elite Singles website is turned down when you try to pay the registration fee in Nectar points.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) People say you're like Marmite – a lot of them want to stick a knife in you.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) For this year's 'talk like a pirate' day you threaten to shoot Tom Hanks.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Withdraw any money you have in a Scottish bank. They'll only spend it on vodka.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Your first day as a vicar on Monday will be a baptism of fire. As a result it will be your last day, too.