Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Withdraw any money you have in a Scottish bank. They'll only spend it on vodka.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Your first day as a vicar on Monday will be a baptism of fire. As a result it will be your last day, too.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) No, you're not a humanitarian. You're a human IT Aryan.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Give a man a fish and it will totally confuse him. Especially if you're in a nightclub.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) Looks like summer is over. For you anyway, unless your appeal comes through.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) The longest journey starts with a single step. And the shortest one. All journeys, in fact. Not sure where I'm going with this.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) If you really think you're your own worst critic, just ask any person you know to give their honest opinion of you.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) On Sunday you rehearse for putting flea drops on your cat by trying to apply oil to the teeth of a working chainsaw.