Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) This week you'll be unable to shake the image of Andy Burnham taking off his eyebrows at night and putting them in a little silver case.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) YOU never feel entirely comfortable leaving a music gig. It's disconcerting.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You will be left confusing after seeing a guide dog licking its balls while wearing a tabard saying 'Don't disturb me, I'm working'.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) This week, why not convince a colleague that Hanson's single MMMBop is about somebody punching a meditating Buddhist monk?

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) And when you get that feeling, you want sexual healing. 'That feeling' being a burning sensation when you urinate.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) An unfamiliar situation in work today as a colleague you actually like is leaving and you’ve no idea how much to put into their collection.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR) A journey home to see all your family is made a lot more relaxing this week when you cancel your train tickets and don't go.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) A shaky start to your summer holiday this weekend when Kate Moss, Ian Brown and Peter Buck board the row in front of you.