Your Astrological Week Ahead

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)

Looks are important, but they aren't everything. What's on the inside matters just as much, if not more so. You can forgive a lot for a huge one.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)

Do a friend a favour with no strings attached, but hold out for payment if they insist on being tied up

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)

An impromptu gathering of friends this evening makes for a lovely treat. Do you mind! Your nose is smearing the window.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)

It's time to take a look at your finances and see where you stand. Beachy Head?

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)

You've had so many things on your mind lately that it's starting to take a toll. Give yourself some much needed masturbation.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)

Your partner has been forgetful lately, and sometimes hardly seems to know if you are around. Instead of getting resentful, use it as an opportunity to sleep around more.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)

Relationships are never straightforward. Especially with you. You fucking nutter

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)

If everyone at work is driving you crazy take an assault rifle to the office and gun them down. Elsewhere this week, Venus is promising you quite a whirl around the dance floor!

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

An insightful friend will have the solution to a problem that's been nagging you for quite some time now. Shame you don’t have one.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Start planning now to make the coming weekend fun and not just another two days of crushing loneliness like all the others.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

If work stress has you feeling burnt out and close to a nervous breakdown, consider taking up yoga. That will sort everything out.