Does the stress of your job make you fantasise about slaying your colleagues?

31-01-18

Does the stress of your job make you fantasise about slaying your colleagues in a blood-spattered frenzy?

It’s perfectly normal, but bad for your blood pressure. Here’s how to release that pent up fury without resorting to the momentarily sweet release of jamming your hand in the shredder.

Learn how to relax…
With alcohol. Whether you’re pouring vodka in your mid-morning cuppa or getting so hammered every night that the days slip by in a fog of nausea and stabbing head pain, you’ll barely notice that you’re actually at work.

Take regular breaks…
And mindlessly surf the internet for hours on end. If your boss spies on you and catches you looking at porn, your work stress will be over sooner than you think.

Talk to your line manager…
About all of the ways you have imagined murdering fat Simon who spits when he talks. Whether your manager agrees he should die and allows you to let off some psychotic steam or becomes concerned and signs you off sick, it’s a win-win situation.

Create an oasis of calm in your mind…
By fantasising about all of the different ways you could die and avoid having to stay at your desk until 5.30pm. Like Buddhist monks who meditate on death, you’ll begin to recognise that life is too short for the endless mind numbing tedium of work.

Go for a walk…
Straight out of the door, to the nearest Tesco for a four pack of celebratory Special Brew, then all the way home. And don’t go back.

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