Activision unveils Illegal Download Hero
CHILD’S game manufacturer Activision is ditching the Guitar Hero franchise for the simulated thrill of stealing dreadful music.
The company admitted the guitar game had run out of options after the latest release featured random noises from a 1983 Motorhead soundcheck, a recording of Steve Vai cleaning his attic and Coldplay.
The franchise will finish with the release of next month’s Guitar Hero: That Bit Right At The End Of Hollyoaks.
Programmer Wayne Hayes said: “With Illegal Download Hero you play a bleary-eyed laptop jockey joylessly watching the progress bar on an album he doesn’t really want but has decided to steal anyway.”
The game will cost £185 as it requires a new controller in the shape of a limited edition PC, external hard drive and MP3 player, while a specially limited collector’s edition, priced at £250, will also feature a half-empty bag of Doritos.
Activision is also lining up a series of spin-offs including the Unreliable Broadband Edition and the Extradition to Sweden on Fraud Charges Edition.
Hayes added: “IDH will come pre-loaded with 50 songs for you to download, but you can also download further songs for you to download, and added security measures ensure that if anybody illegally downloads a song to illegally download on the game then the game will not allow you to download any more songs, legally or illegally, to download illegally.”
The company also hopes to tempt its existing customers by including its trademark miniature plastic guitar that looks like it came from a paedophile’s ukelele collection.