Big Brother celebrities arrive, unaware that one of them is a murderer

THE new murder-themed series of Celebrity Big Brother began last night with the mysterious death of Julian Clary.

This could actually be pretty good

Martin Kemp, formerly of Spandau Ballet, discovered Clary slumped in the Diary Room with a carving knife protruding from the camp comedian’s back.

After failing to find a pulse in Clary’s neck, Kemp said: “He’s dead. Somebody killed Julian.”

In a unique twist on the format, one of the housemates is a psychopath and a celebrity will be killed each week until the killer is either unmasked or voted out by the public.

Several of the housemates have already pointed the finger at So Solid Crew member MC Harvey.

Housemate Samantha Brick said: “He’s from East London, they kill each other there without even thinking about it, it’s just like getting a KFC to them.

“Julian probably made a double entendre and he just snapped.”

Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino from Jersey Shore, who is exhibiting surprisingly strong powers of deduction, replied: “That motive doesn’t stack up. MC Harvey faced widespread press criticism after he cheated on Alesha – he could handle a few cock jokes without resorting to violence.

“Also if you look at the angle of the blade, the murderer was left-handed. MC Harvey is right-handed.”

Julie Goodyear, who was in Coronation Street, said: “I don’t care who did it, we’re going to be in this house together for weeks so we all need to stop doing murders and start getting along.”