Cameron sends Schofield list of people who were intimate with rodents

DAVID Cameron has retaliated in his war with Philip Schofield by sending the TV presenter a list of ‘rodent companions’ he found on the internet.

Schofield bought the gopher gifts including a tiny biker jacket

The prime minister included a covering letter saying ‘many TV presenters worked with rodents during the 1990s’ and asked if he recognised any of the names.

The list is understood to include Schofield, Andi Peters and a number of people that you have probably guessed or would like to make-up anyway.

A Downing Street spokesman said that if television presenters wanted to bring down the Conservatives the party would not hesitate to embark on a war of total annihilation that would destroy both sides utterly.

He added: “For every Tory they smear we will smear 10 children’s TV presenters.

“The internet is awash with names of celebrities who did things in cupboards with rodents.

“If they want a witch hunt then let’s have a fucking witch hunt.”

Schofield said he had been friendly with a rodent in the 1990s but did not do anything sexually unpleasant with it ‘unlike those other famous people whose names you can find very easily on the internet’.