ITV To Apologise To Essex Using A Sad Face And Some Boobs

THE broadcaster of The Only Way Is Essex is to apologise to the county’s residents using pictures of things they recognise.

Club du Vadge gets packed on Friday nights

The hit series has been accused of depicting Essex people as slack-jawed, fame-obsessed, Satsuma-skinned halfwits who put fairy lights on their genitals.

But local club promoter, DJ and fomer professional footballer, Roy Hobbs, said: “It’s bang out of order. We ain’t just into going to clubs with rubbish Z-list celebs like Beppe from Eastenders.

“We’re also into going to club VIP rooms with quality people like Dean Gaffney from Eastenders. I was in the members-only disabled toilet with him at Cafe du Vadge in Chelmsford last weekend.”

He added: “We aren’t thick and we don’t deserve to be stereocast, stereophoned or starrytyped.”

A spokesman for ITV2 admitted some members of the Essex community have taken exception to what they consider to be an unfair representation of their breeding ground.

“We will preface the next episode with a short apology, though we have had to adapt it so that it doesn’t contain actual words.

“We’ll probably just go with a picture of a sad face. And then some boobs. They seem to be fond of boobs.”

Hobbs added: “And I almost went to the same party as Dane Bowers once. He’s a DJ and he put his foot up Jordan’s fanny.”