My Balls Are So Huge, Claims Paxman

JEREMY Paxman has written to the chief executive of Marks & Spencer to tell him that his balls are huge.

Jeremy Paxman also presents 'University Challenge'

The Newsnight presenter said that although he had always had big testicles, they had become much larger and heavier in recent years, partly because of radiation from being on television so much.

Mr Paxman, 57, said he now needed specially strengthened underwear to be shipped from the former Soviet Union to prevent his balls bumping along the ground.

Writing on his Newsnight blog Paxman said: “I have the heaviest sex parts appended to a man since the birth of Christ.

“Each of my testicles is the size of a honeydew melon and weighs around two kilos, while my penis has often been mistaken for a dog.

“When appearing on television I can rest my cock and balls on the floor, but running for a bus leaves me in agony.”

Mr Paxman used to have his underpants handmade until the young men sent to take his measurements complained to the Health and Safety Executive.

In desperation he turned to M&S and their range of underwear and pyjamas for men with huge cocks and large, heavy balls.

Gok Wan, of Channel 4’s How to Look Good Naked, said: “Jeremy has the finest cock and balls I have ever seen.

“I keep dreaming I'm being choked to death by a sea serpent while he asks me over and over again whether I sacked the head of the prison service.”