Give everyone five grand and let's start again, says King

01-12-11

THE global economy should be started again from scratch and everyone given £5,000 each, Mervyn King has claimed.

'Yes it's scary, but it's also exciting'

The governor of the Bank of England said he and his colleagues could keep trying different things but it was simply delaying the inevitable admission that this economy doesn’t work anymore and we need to get another one.

The governor’s latest stability report said the last hope was for banks to cut bonuses and increase their capital reserves, but the banks immediately rejected the idea as being ‘far too helpful’.

King said: “That’s it, I’m calling it. Time of death, 11.25am.

“As of this moment there is no economy. It’s over. ‘But Mervyn, what should we do now?’ I hear you say.

“Well, what about, right, we cancel all the debts and all the savings and shit and we just say, ‘okay, blank sheet of paper’?

“Then, right, everyone gets five grand a piece to spend on whatever they want.”

He added: “Within a few weeks the people who are selling the best stuff will have more money so we’ll know it’s working and then we can just take it from there.”

Economists said the idea had some merit, insisting the ad-hoc construction of a new global financial system did seem a lot easier than negotiating with Germans.

Asked how a universal ‘starting wealth’ of £5,000 would affect inflation and interest rates in the new economy, King said: “How the fuck should I know?”

 

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