Letting agents to out-bastard estate agents

WITH the rental sector booming, letting agents are set to topple estate agents as Britain’s leading bunch of tick-like scumbags.

Record numbers of people who want a fixed address are placing their slender hopes into the claw-like hands of letting agencies, determined to exploit their new status as the dominant sub-species of grimy spiv.

Letting agent Stephen Malley said: “For decades estate agents have been hogging all the revilement and loathing while we were just vaguely grubby non-entities with cheap shoes and big bunches of keys.

“Well, you’re not getting a mortgage this side of the 28th Century and so we find ourselves bathed in the golden glow of our perfect moment.

“Kneel before our awesomely demanding application process, which requires references from two dead family members, the leader of a global religion and a kestrel.

“Soon we shall have the fanny-magnet sport hatchbacks and the offices full of see-through objects with Groove Armada playing on a high quality stereo. Estate agents, for so long our masters, will be nothing.


He added: “Our current properties include a one-bed in Stepney which smells of horses and a very tidy maisonette with no windows and the faint atmosphere of past tragedies.”