Market dips on shrinking of Beckham’s balls

THE FTSE 100 has dipped after photographs showed a sharp reduction in the size of David Beckham’s testicles.

The pictures for H&M show the star’s genitalia to have shrunk by as much as 60 per cent, which experts fear will leave the UK struggling to compete in international markets.

Market analyst Tom Booker said: “When Gordon Brown, in one of his first acts of Chancellor, announced that the value of sterling would be pegged to David Beckham’s pan-sexual attractiveness it made perfect sense.

“But it was not to be, like so many other late 90s certainties, such as the coolness of combat pants or Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey’s eternal love.”

Meanwhile, George Osborne wants to link British currency to a more lasting benchmark, such as Jason Statham’s twice-yearly production of mediocre but vaguely entertaining action films.