Sentimental bread advert made by people on cocaine

A TOUCHING, big-hearted bread advert was made by a group of arrogant cocaine users, it has emerged.

Bread is kind

The sentimental television advertisement for ‘Granny’s Loaf’ features a montage of cloying imagery including a husband bringing his sleeping wife a ‘bacon butty’ and a child with a grazed knee being handed some toast, set to mawkish folk music. It ends with the slogan ‘Bread brings us all together’.

But despite the cloying message that heavily-processed bread somehow inspires kindness, everyone involved in its production is an egotistical cocaine user.

Advertising executive Stephen Malley said: “Granny’s Loaf is all about love, sharing and those special, priceless moments that happen when people eat some bread.

“Now where’s the gak? I’m going to do shitloads and get it smeared all over my sweaty face.”

Creative director Emma Bradford said: “We’ve got Bernard Cribbins coming in to do the voiceover at 4pm, and more cocaine arriving at 5pm.

“There really is nothing as comforting as a tasty home-made sandwich at the end of a long day. Except perhaps a massive line of beak.”

Consumer Nikki Hollis, who watched a rough-cut version of the bread advert, said: “Must…buy…bread.”