Overweight cat story depresses John Humphrys even further

JOHN Humphrys has threatened to walk out of the Today programme after being forced to a report on a cat that weighs 67 kilograms.

BBC sources said Humphrys retreated to a toilet cubicle where he could be heard muttering: “I have created this. I am part of the problem.”

Radio Four colleague, Jenni Murray said: “I stroked his head and offered to show him a YouTube video of my puppy watching the laundry, but he shook me off and said something that sounded like German swearing.”

The heavy cat said: “I’m just as upset as John that the Today programme focused on my weight. I’ve written a book about being an acquitted war criminal, but no-one ever mentions that.”