Home arrow News arrow Celebrity arrow TOM CRUISE NOW TERRIFYINGLY INSANE
TOM CRUISE NOW TERRIFYINGLY INSANE Print E-mail

TOM Cruise was celebrating last night as he overtook John Travolta to become Hollywood's most dangerously unhinged psychopath.

Image
'I can turn my head all the way round'
In a previously unseen interview, released on the internet, Cruise delivered a tour de force, comparing Scientology to, 'having sex with an angry kangaroo'.

He added: "It's an army of Spanish elephants, it's a hospital made of chocolate, it's a bomb full of guns."

The Far and Away star then claimed to be 'the only being in the solar system' who knew what to do in the event of a car crash.

"I have a special computer that proves how paramedics and firemen can make a car crash 10,000 times worse.

"I spent four and a half years studying carcrashology. I came top of my class. If a crash happens, I'm there with my big tongs and my bag of melons."

Cruise said Scientology had also helped him to control his dreams, adding: "I used to dream about bottoms quite a lot, but now most of my dreams involve killing everybody in the world, except Steven Spielberg, who I end up using as a coffee table."

Cruise spent the last 20 minutes of the interview curled in the foetal position saying, 'ping, ping, ping' over and over again.

Media anlaysts admitted they were baffled as to why the video has been released at this time.

Wayne Hayes, who analyses the media, said: "There is the merest hint of an outside chance of a slim possibility that it might have something to do with money."





Did you enjoy this article? Please share it!

Digg!Digg Reddit!Reddit Del.icio.us!Delicious Facebook!Facebook StumbleUpon!StumbleUpon Fark!Fark

 

adhole1


Mash TV


Buy Mash T-Shirts

Daily Mash Shop

This Week's Poll

Why have you been cursed?
 

Subscribe!

Sign up for the Weekly Mash newsletter. It's free.

Name:

Email:

Receive HTML mailings?
Subscribe Remove

RSS headlines

Get the latest Mash headlines with this RSS doo-da:

RSS Mash

adhole2