Tiny hippo exerts evil psychic influence

04-04-12

A PYGMY hippo calf is using mind powers to exert a malevolent hold on those around him, it has been claimed.

Harold waits, floating

21lb Harold, who lives in a Dundee zoo, was hailed as a miracle after he was abandoned by his mother and successfully raised in captivity.

But it soon became apparent that something was wrong when zoo staff began to die in mysterious accidents.

Keeper Tom Logan said: “It was an assistant keeper who first warned me there was something strange about Harold, shortly after which he walked into the bear enclosure in an apparent act of suicide.

“Another worker who would sometimes goad the little hippo with a hose stabbed himself in the throat with a rake.

“The realisation came when I was cuddling Harold and looking into his big black gloopy eyes. I heard this voice in my head saying, ‘kill Jenny, split her head with a rock, get the keys to the food cupboard.’

“I was powerless to resist. Luckily Jenny, the other keeper, fought back and cut my hand off with the big knife she uses to chop Harold’s bananas, causing me to drop the rock.

“That little hippo is pure evil. It will destroy us all.”

However other members of zoo staff have denied that there is anything strange about the seemingly adorable herbivore.

Zoo manager Emma Bradford said: “Harold is cute. Harold is good. Harold must be fed.

“Go now. Do not return. This zoo is closed forever.”

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