Food

Red sauce winning against brown sauce

TOMATO ketchup believes it can win its century-long battle against HP Sauce before the end of the decade, it has announced.

Man stops eating when he is full

A MAN has enjoyed just enough food and is not going to eat any more until the next meal, it has emerged.

Carnivores happy to try vegan recipes as long as main ingredient is a vegan

CARNIVORES have confirmed that they are willing to try any recipe that includes a vegan.

Eating McDonald’s on train more antisocial than urinating in the aisle

CONSUMING fast food on a train is more offensive than open public urination, passengers have agreed.

Woman saves time on baking by just begging people to like her

A WOMAN has saved hours a week she used to spend on baking by just going around begging people to like her, she has revealed.

Tax these latte-loving bastards until they bleed, says Britain

BRITAIN wants the ‘latte levy’ to be followed by as many punitive taxes on coffee obsessives as possible.

Jar of cloves sentenced to life at back of cupboard for 'crime he didn’t commit'

A JAR of cloves has been sentenced to life at the back of a kitchen cupboard in what he described as a 'grotesque miscarriage of justice'.

48-year-old realises he can no longer manage full cooked breakfast

A MIDDLE-AGED man has realised that he can no longer make it more than two-thirds through a cooked breakfast.

Tony the Tiger finally wins 50-year battle against Ricicles

TONY the Tiger has roared in triumph after finally defeating rival sugar-frosted cereal Ricicles after more than 50 years.

Shops think you want a Christmas sandwich

SUPERMARKETS are convinced that customers want unpleasant Christmas sandwiches that are a mockery of festive food, it has emerged.