Brain Surgery Exams ‘Too Hard’ Says Government

Brain surgery exams are to be made much easier because not enough people are applying to become brain surgeons, the Government has announced.

Full of crap

Only 500 people sat and passed the tough examination last year but Britain contains at least 65 million brains, many of which need almost constant surgical maintenance.

Questions in the old difficult exam would typically ask candidates to identify brain areas such as the hypothalamus and set out in detail what functions they performed.

Under the new regime people will secure a pass mark if they can point to a brain on a table and then point to their heads to show they know where their own brain lives.

The new easier brain exams are one of a whole host of tests the Government is making more simple because too many people are failing.

For example, the new driving test which is being introduced next April will no longer regard driving the wrong way up a motorway as an automatic fail.

Under the Government’s new brain regime anyone with a relevant qualification, such as a City and Guilds in carpentry or at least two years work experience as a plumber’s mate, will be able to sit the simplified exam, and not just already qualified doctors.

Jack Weil, head of on-the-job training for Drain Doctors in Dundee, said none of his plumbers had attempted the move into brain surgery, despite the name of his firm.

He said: “The household toilet is very similar to the human brain, once it gets filled up with shit you’ve got a real problem.

“I know my men could remove an awful lot of crap from most people’s heads with either a plunger or one of those great big Hoover things, if only they were given the chance.”

A Government spokesman said the changes were necessary because you could not get a brain surgeon to come out these days “for love or money”.

She said: “The Yellow Pages is full of adverts for people who say they will fix you head, but phone one up and he won’t be free until next Thursday at the earliest.”