Golf clubs besieged by sick people

AS the doctors’ strike begins, thousands of sick people have descended on their GP’s natural habitat, the golf course.

It's like pinball for ageing men

The non-availability of medics due to industrial action has drawn sniffling hordes of the unwell to putting greens and club houses in the desperate hope of getting their sickly anatomy looked at.

Doctor Stephen Malley was crushed to death earlier today at a Swindon golf course when an obese man demanding Athlete’s Foot cream toppled into a bunker.

Golfer Roy Hobbs said: “It’s like the night of the hypochondriac living dead. There are people with runny eyes and noses chasing after buggies, or laying in wait behind bushes coughing their arses off.

“Worse still some of them are women which is definitely not acceptable. Although I’m not sure what the club rules are on people with weeping facial lesions.”

Sick person Emma Bradford said: “This is actually far easier than waiting six weeks for an appointment. I just got a prescription for psoriasis cream simply by stealing a ball.”

According to Institute for Studies statistics, there is an 81% probability that any man in a lurid V-neck holding a metal stick who isn’t Sean Connery or an 80s comedian is some sort of doctor.

Surgeon Nathan Muir said: “I thought this was going to be a relaxing day of golf-based industrial action but I’ve just had to do an emergency appendectomy on Hole Four. Now my ‘Rupert the Bear’ style tartan trousers are drenched in gore.”