America 'fifteenth, maybe twentieth best country in the world', says Obama


PRESIDENT Barack Obama has described America as being easily one of the world’s top twenty countries.

'Maybe we could have a Queen, like Britain'

Addressing an audience of 10,000 in Houston, Texas in a warm-up to his speech at the Democratic National Convention, Obama cut a relaxed figure as he warmed to his theme of American unexceptionalism.

President Obama said, “My fellow Americans, we stand on the threshold of great challenges, great opportunities and new horizons. I can honestly say that there is no people on earth better equipped to rise to those challenges than the Germans.

“Unfortunately, we are not German. Nor are we Chinese, with their impressive work ethic and bank balance.

“Once we had the best heavyweight champions – now we are having our behinds kicked by the Ukrainians. Where once we had the world’s finest TV detective series, now it is the Danish who hold sway.

“As a nation, I believe we are mature and humble enough to acknowledge that we are hamstrung by our ignorance, our bigotry, our denial of reality – eight out of ten Americans believe in angels.

“To those of you who do, let me reach out to you tonight, take off your shoes and slap you about the jowls with them. You are premium grade morons.”

Ignoring the open mouths of his advisers and the fixed, glowering stare of the First Lady, Obama spoke movingly about how his travels to foreign climes had persuaded him that America was way too far up its own ass.

He said: “No disrespect to you ladies tonight but I’d rank you about neck and neck with the Albanians. Those of you who have necks.

“Time and again as I travel the length and breadth of this nation I am struck by the thought – my God, we are obese. When I say “we”, of course, I don’t mean me, I mean most of you people.

“You know where else beats us hands down? Belgium. Belgium’s good. Find out.  Get a passport – they’re like little books with hardly any pages in them.”



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