Assange to be tempted from embassy with trail of secrets

20-08-12

POLICE are attempting to lure Julian Assange from the Ecuadorian embassy using a ‘trail of secrets’ which the Wikileaks founder should find irresistible.

Assange hopes to become one of South America's leading pawns

The operation began at five o’clock this morning, as police outside the embassy played The Beatles’ Do You Want To Know a Secret at high volume. Within seconds Mr Assange appeared at a first floor window, nodding enthusiastically.

Police then used fishing rods to dangle dossiers outside the embassy’s front door.  The first, marked ‘Who Really Killed JFK’ was ignored, but a second, entitled ‘Doctor Who Spoilers’, proved more tempting.

A man, believed to be Mr Assange, shouted through the letterbox: “Just tell me something about the daleks.”

A policeman replied, ‘come out here and I’ll tell you’, but the door remained shut.

Shortly after eight o’clock the police sent in a graffiti artist to paint a stencilled mural of Mr Assange on the building opposite.  The man signed the wall ’Banksy’ before shouting: “Oh no, I forgot my balaclava.  If anyone comes out of that embassy they’ll discover my secret identity.”

But the Wikileaks tycoon dismissed the ploy before claiming that he was Banksy and had been for years.

Last week Assange attempted to sneak out of the embassy in a very big laundry basket but his plans were ruined when he published them on the Wikileaks website.

Meanwhile, an undercover officer dressed as Colonel Sanders will approach the embassy, promising to reveal KFC’s secret blend of herbs and spices to anyone with white hair.

 

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