Independent Scotland could be exactly the same, warn experts
INDEPENDENCE could leave Scotland exactly the same in every way, experts warned last night.
As Scottish first minister Alex Salmond set out his timetable for an independence referendum, he was dealt a devastating blow after research showed separation from the UK would make absolutely no difference whatsoever.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “It will still be damp, windy and miles from everywhere.
“The Scottish people will continue to shop, drink, complain, work for the council, eat beige food and hate each other because of football, religion or some bastard hybrid of the two.
“They will watch the same television programmes as they did before, mainly because they have all seen Scottish television programmes and they’re not making that mistake again.
“They will also retain their baffling sense of entitlement and the government will still interfere constantly in people’s lives. The only thing that will change is that they’ll be reduced to one set of shitwit politicians on which to pin the blame.”
Brubaker added: “Meanwhile, the rest of the UK will also remain exactly the same, only more so.”
The Scottish National Party condemned the research as racist stereotyping and then welcomed it for proving that independence would be completely risk-free.
The SNP wants to stage the referendum in autumn 2014 while the UK government insists it should take place next year paving the way for an argument so tedious that even a drunk Scotsman would find it difficult to sustain.
It has also emerged that Salmond ditched his initial plan for a referendum on the 700th anniversary of Scotland’s victory over England at the Battle of Bannockburn after someone pointed out that it was pathetic.