Indonesian women banned from experiencing vibrations

WOMEN in the Indonesian province of Aceh must remain at least three feet from anything that vibrates.

Following a ban on straddling motorcycles, officials realised that even if the women sit ‘side-saddle’ they could still experience the sort of high frequency jiggling outlawed by the Koran.

Local mayor, Suaidi Yahya, said: “It’s probably best if all the women just stay at home and sit in a hard plastic chair.

“Unless of course they have a washing machine, in which case they will have to take their chair into the street.”

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Guardian to advertise bullshit public sector jobs in Argentina

THE Guardian is to cement its commercial ties with the Argentinian government with a weekly supplement devoted to the South American nation’s taxpayer-funded marketing vacancies.

Following Argentina’s successful recapture of the Falklands using a Guardian advert, President Cristina Kirchner now hopes to recruit dozens of Buenos Aires-based customer-facing core message communicators.

She said: “I urgently require 40 marketing executives to convince the smokers of the Malvinas to give up and another 40 to go to international marketing conferences and tell them about our Stub It Out Malvinas campaign.

“We do not discriminate on the basis of age, gender, sexual orientation or whether you used to be in the SS.”

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