New Yorkers Terrified By 80ft Gorilla
NEW York was flung into a state of panic yesterday as thousands of people watched an 80 foot-high gorilla climb the Empire State Building.
The White House later apologised for the incident, revealing that it had simply wanted a nice photograph of the city's population gaping in terror at a giant, furious ape.
The first signs of panic were at 9.30am when office workers were evacuated after a four-foot wide eyeball was seen peering into their meeting room.
Sales manager Bernadette McLintock said: "Josh was just giving us the weekly figures when there was a really strong smell of bananas and faeces.
"The next thing I know, there's this huge monkey nose sniffing the coffee machine. I thought his big hand was going to reach in and grab me, but he went for my friend Carol instead. Skank."
Air Force general Thomas Logan said: "Yesterday's activities were unfortunate but from time to time we will have to carry out anti-monster exercises.
"Through our intelligence sources we know that Al-Qaeda has been trying for months to recruit an enormous ape, with their efforts focused mainly on Skull Island."
Mayor Michael Bloomberg said: "It was insensitive to do this on a date that, while utterly dissimilar to September 11th, shares many of the same letters.
"I'd scrambled half a dozen biplanes before we were told the real situation. Have you tried finding one working biplane? Let alone six? It's incredibly difficult."