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| NEW YORKERS TERRIFIED BY 80ft GORILLA |
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| 29-04-09 | |
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NEW York was flung into a state of panic yesterday as thousands of people watched an 80 foot-high gorilla climb the Empire State Building.  Carol is the office bike The first signs of panic were at 9.30am when office workers were evacuated after a four-foot wide eyeball was seen peering into their meeting room. Sales manager Bernadette McLintock said: "Josh was just giving us the weekly figures when there was a really strong smell of bananas and faeces. "The next thing I know, there's this huge monkey nose sniffing the coffee machine. I thought his big hand was going to reach in and grab me, but he went for my friend Carol instead. Skank." Air Force general Thomas Logan said: "Yesterday's activities were unfortunate but from time to time we will have to carry out anti-monster exercises. "Through our intelligence sources we know that Al-Qaeda has been trying for months to recruit an enormous ape, with their efforts focused mainly on Skull Island." Mayor Michael Bloomberg said: "It was insensitive to do this on a date that, while utterly dissimilar to September 11th, shares many of the same letters. "I'd scrambled half a dozen biplanes before we were told the real situation. Have you tried finding one working biplane? Let alone six? It's incredibly difficult." Get the latest Daily Mash book, Everyone Dead by Teatime Go here: thedailymash.co.uk/everyonedead |
