Someone Claiming To Be Me Has Been Saying It’s All Your Fault, Brown Tells America

05-03-09

GORDON Brown yesterday told America that someone has been going around blaming them for the global economic collapse and using his name.

'Who the fuck is this guy?'

In a keynote speech to the US Congress Mr Brown said he was 'shocked, shocked I tell you' to discover that a man claiming to be the British prime minister has used every possible opportunity over the last 12 months to lay the blame squarely at America's door.

The prime minister said: "He goes on television and says 'the economic crisis originated in America and then spread across the globe'. That's his catchphrase. But get this, right, the caption at the bottom of the screen says 'Gordon Brown, Prime Minister'.

"And I'm just sitting there watching it, thinking 'bloody cheek!'. And then I go into the office and everyone's saying 'good interview, prime minister' and I'm like, 'for fuck's sake, it wasn't me, okay?'.

"Granted, he does look a bit like me and the voice isn't bad, but the way you can spot the difference is that horrible, creepy smile. I don't smile like that. Look."

To a standing ovation Mr Brown added: "I like you. No, I mean I really like you. A lot.

"Sometimes I think about the two of us having dinner and we talk about all the stuff we have in common and then we move over to the sofa and I run my hand up the inside of your thigh and our eyes meet and we lean into each other and then all of a sudden we're just doing it.

"I need you. I need your hot breath on my neck. I want to lick every inch of you. I want to feel your urgent hands investing in my naked, heaving buttocks.

"And I want to video it."

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