Time stops in Syria

ALL clocks and timepieces stopped across Syria on July 15 at 18:07 local time, it has emerged.

This is now purely decorative

Hilary Clinton and William Hague have been stating on a daily basis that ‘time is running out’ for the Assad regime – and with minutes counting down and Mondays turning into Tuesdays it was clear that this was no empty rhetoric.

But it has since emerged that the war-ravaged country has fallen into the grip of a temporal standstill and is now permanently stuck at teatime.

Foreign correspondent Carolyn Ryan said: “Despite the US and UK’s repeated insistence that President Assad’s days are numbered, his number of days now appears set to remain exactly the same forever.

“The atmosphere in Damascus is eerie. While it remains frozen at just past six in the evening, there’s no prospect of a sunset or bedtime – people haven’t been able to sleep for over two weeks.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute For Studies said: “It is not the first occasion on which, contrary to the solemn promises of Western leaders, time has actually stopped doing what time generally does.

“Take Zimbabwe back in 2008. We were told the same thing back then. Time running out for Mugabe. But the clocks stopped – it’s still 2008 there today. He’s still there.

“Political scientists have undertaken research for years to find out how these demented leaders do this.

“They’ve concluded that they must have some sort of a lever attached to a secret machine full of whirring brass cogs.”