Trump to chew long piece of grass while holding shotgun across his shoulders

17-08-17

DONALD Trump is to conduct the rest of ‘presidency’ while balancing a shotgun across the back of his neck and chewing on a piece of grass.

Unveiling his ‘Redneck Agenda’, Trump appeared on the White House balcony, accompanied by a burly, toothless man named ‘Lyle’ and his daughter Ivanka, who he revealed was also his new wife.

Trump and ‘Lyle’ then fired their shotguns at a crowd of fleeing journalists.

Meanwhile, Trump has purchased an old hunting dog named ‘Kaiser’ who will become the new Vice President at a banjo-accompanied swearing-in ceremony later today.

The White House confirmed Trump will spend most of his time wandering around Washington DC asking tourists ‘if they are from around here’ and questioning anyone ‘who looks a bit A-rab’ .

A spokesman added: “He may also tell you that you have a ‘pretty mouth’. So watch out for that.”

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