Experts close to discovering secret pointlessness of Stonehenge


SCIENTISTS have started a fresh excavation at Stonehenge in the hope of confirming, once and for all, the ancient monument’s complete and utter pointlessness.

What a waste of time

In the past it was suggested the Henge may have been built as an arena to attract sponsorship from a mobile phone company, or that it could be the top section of a medium sized underground car park.

However, recent advances in carbon dating and DNA testing technologies now point to it having absolutely no purpose whatsoever.

Henry Brubaker, chief archaeologist at the Institute for Studies, said: “The ancient Britons quarried these giant stones by hand, dragged them hundreds of miles from Wales, lifted them into place, stared at them for a bit, then wandered off and never came back.

“I know they didn’t have telly, but still, there must have been something better to do.

“At least the Great Wall of China is actually a wall, and the Pyramids have mummies inside them.

“This is just some Welsh rocks thrown up in the middle of nowhere for no bloody reason. It does my fucking head in.

“And even if they did use it for sacrificing badgers or worshipping the moon – so what?”

He added: “If I have to watch one more scraggy hippy dancing round here at solstice, I swear to God I will get a JCB and plough the whole lot into the ground.”


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