Experts close to discovering secret pointlessness of Stonehenge



SCIENTISTS have started a fresh excavation at Stonehenge in the hope of confirming the ancient monument’s utter pointlessness.

In the past it was suggested the Henge may have been built as an arena to attract sponsorship from a mobile phone company, or that it could be the top section of a medium sized underground car park.

However, recent advances in carbon dating and DNA testing technologies now point to it having absolutely no purpose whatsoever.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “The ancient Britons quarried these giant stones by hand, dragged them hundreds of miles from Wales, lifted them into place, stared at them for a bit, then wandered off and never came back.

“I know they didn’t have television, but there must have been something better to do.

“At least the Great Wall of China is actually a wall, and the Pyramids have mummies inside them. This is just some Welsh rocks thrown up in the middle of nowhere for no bloody reason. It does my head in.

“Maybe they did use it for sacrificing badgers or worshipping the moon.

“Big fucking deal.”


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