Moon Could Support Middle-Class Life, Say Experts


SCIENTISTS have claimed that the moon could support middle-class life forms after the discovery of a crater containing a Pizza Express and an excellent primary school.

Does the lunar Pizza Express cover absolutely everything in basil?

The discovery overturns previous assumptions that the moon would be incapable of supporting a quality of life much above that of Weston Super Mare.

Experts now believe that aspirational micro-organisms evolved on the moon over 5 million years ago, progressing quickly from watching lunar WWE Wrestling while eating food from buckets to drinking filtered water and obsessing about CD multi-changers.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "We have long suspected a middle-class presence on the moon since Apollo 14 proved it was possible to play golf.

"We believe there could now be a thriving middle-class population existing just below the surface, probably doing web design or public sector arts jobs."

He added: "This will be excellent news for Guardian readers who were concerned about the state of the planet Earth but worried that fleeing to the moon might adversely affect their children's diet and education."

Since the discoveries, upwardly mobile North Londoners have already begun obsessing about lunar property prices and where they can buy really good bread.

Mary Coles, of Finsbury Park, said: "There's so much parking on the moon, minimal crime and no congestion charge. My only concern is that my children, Seamus and Rosie, will develop a moondust intolerance. Their naturopath says it's impossible to tell."

She added: "I intend to fill my days doing zero-gravity pilates and writing a confessional blog about how living on the moon is affecting my periods."

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