Nuclear Waste Makes Lovely Jam Says Government

WASTE from nuclear power is very tasty, spreads easily and makes a lovely jam for your toast in the morning, the Government said last night.

Huge cocks

Launching its latest public consultation on the nuclear industry the Government said living next to an atom fuelled power station would give you a huge penis, but only if you are a man already.

It said all the scientific evidence now showed that couples living in close proximity to nuclear generators could go “at it” all night without a break and still go to work the next day feeling fresh as a daisy.

Speaking at the launch Prime Minister Gordon Brown said it was now perfectly obvious to anyone, apart from the criminally insane, that nuclear waste was less radioactive than most cheese, except some brands of really mild cheddar.

He said the consultation process was necessary to assess whether the British public loved nuclear power or whether they really, really loved it, and to settle disputes between the many towns and cities currently demanding their own atomic power station.

“Really, people have nothing to fear from having a nuclear power station on their doorstep. They are only dangerous when they blow up and destroy everything around them in a 50 mile radius, and that hardly ever happens,” he said.

A  spokesman for Friends of the Earth said: “Put like that you can’t really argue can you, where do we sign?”