Oldest sexy calendar gives insight into ancient garage workers

16-07-13

EXPERTS are analysing a 10,000 year old calendar to uncover the erotic preferences of ancient mechanics.

Miss 'Time of the bear and the rains' was a particular favourite

Miss ‘Time of the bear and the rains’ was a particular favourite

The calendar was discovered in a Scottish field, among the remains of what is believed to be an ancient ‘cart garage’.

It features images of semi-clothed tribal females, realistically rendered in woad.

Historian Donna Sheridan said: “The calendar’s primary function was not to record the date, but to sexually stimulate workers. It was believed that increased penile blood flow boosted strength and efficiency.”

Her colleague Bill McKay added: “I once saw Hustlers ‘Boobs of ’72’ hanging up in uncle’s workshop. This is like that but of greater historical importance.

“We have some information about the tastes and preferences of the ruling class of that time, but next to nothing about the rutting habits of ordinary people who fixed carts.

“Presumably they spent a lot of time staring at the calendars and drinking hot drinks, while taking absolutely ages to fix their customers’ vehicles.”

Archaeologists also found a piece of carved tree bark which they believe is an ancient version of one of those boards you get in pubs where a woman’s breasts are covered by bags of peanuts.

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