Smashed phone screens join official list of things that are cool

ROCKING a phone with a cobweb-smashed touchscreen is officially cool, according to experts.

New analysis has confirmed that the fly kids wrecking shit with battle-damaged iPhones are officially hot, and undamaged phones are for fakes and haters.

Professor Henry Brubaker from the Institute of Studies said: “We set out, after a big night, to examine the question of who doesn’t drop their phone when they’re a bit fucked-up.

“Our initial hypothesis of ‘boring bastards’ was confirmed when both Dr Finch-Hatton and lab tech Wayne Hayes were observed using phones with intact screens.

“You probably don’t know them. But they’re twats.”

Fashion experts involved in the study likened splintered screens to distressed denim, while abstract artists rated the aesthetic power of a kaleidoscopic peacock’s tail of colour over some fat Facebook baby.

Brubaker added: “Which perfectly explains the phenomenal popularity of iPhones. They shatter at absolutely nothing.”