TFL promises uninterrupted tosspottery

TUBE travellers will be able to broadcast their ignorance even when 150 foot underground by summer, promise TFL.


Visitors to the Olympics, unwashed trustafarians posing as beggars needing a few coins for a hostel bed that does not exist and seethingly homicidal commuters will all be able to access Twitter to complain about being sat in a tunnel for the last half hour via wifi.

TFL chief Roy Hobbs said: “Imagine a wardrobe-sized internet cafe being kicked down a metal hill by an overpaid ingrate that goes on strike every other week.

“We’re bringing the unbearable misery of public transport into the 21st Century by making sure that the very second a thought about toast pops into the echo chamber of a passenger’s skull it can immediately be broadcast to a global audience of poltroons.”

Employers have welcomed the introduction of wifi to the tube after years of not being able to pester their suicidal workers for the 20-odd minutes they are underground.

Experts estimate that productivity should leap by 0.002% presuming this does not prove to be the final step that causes everyone to leap in front of their train rather than get onto it.

Hobbs said: “My epitaph will read that I was the man that ensured Londoners were able to download a photo of a dog and a cat getting married.”