Anti-capitalist mouse threatening to shit on some yoghurts

A RADICAL mouse is in a nervous stand-off with security guards after threatening to defecate on some Muller yoghurts in a London Tesco.

The mouse is also suspected of defecating on the Cenotaph

The left-wing rodent is currently cornered in a refrigerator, surrounded by staff who are fully aware that any droppings will necessitate the Covent Garden store being burned to the ground.

With its tiny sphincter poised precariously above a four-pack of Muller Crunch Corner, the rodent said: “I demand an immediate audience with Tesco chief executive Philip Clarke.

“As a mouse I do not have property and find the notion of capitalism – as grotesquely embodied by this sprawling corporation –  abhorrent. More specifically, I am worried about the effects of Tesco’s brutally expansionist business strategy on small, local cheese shops.

“One day, in the not too distant future, there will be no cheese except for Cathedral City, the blandest of all dairy products.”

He added: “There is no better creature to make this stand than me. Just by being a mouse I am already a metaphor for tenacity in the face of vast odds.”

A Tesco spokesman said: “The mouse snuck into the store wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, which made it look human.

“We are always open to intelligent debate with our critics and so is our cat.”