Apprentices told to stop acting like twats

REAL-LIFE apprentices are acting like insane twats thanks to BBC One’s The Apprentice, it has been claimed.

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The government is threatening to cut apprenticeship schemes unless young people stop using them as opportunities to promote their ridiculous, pathetic ‘personal brands’.

Garage owner Tom Booker said: “I had these two 17-year-old lads on a scheme, Mike and Steve or as they called themselves ‘Team Excelsior’ and ‘Team Deluxe’.

“I asked them to change a tyre and all they did was go off and invent a stupid energy drink called ‘Mind Pilot’.

“I gave them a massive bollocking but they just blamed each other so I sacked them both and they coldly thanked me ‘for the opportunity’ before wheeling off the suitcases that they had inexplicably brought with them.”

Plumber Stephen Malley said: “I can’t find an apprentice who isn’t obsessed with being ‘project manager’.

“They just keeping asking ‘Am I project manager? Am I project manager?

“Just shut up and hold the fucking spanner.”