Britain Now Entertained By Absolutely Anything

BRITAIN is now easier to entertain than a two month-old baby or a chimpanzee, it was confirmed last night.

'I just love my new cardboard box'

The country set a new threshold for boredom as 14 million people bounced up and down in their chairs at the sight of a breakdancing teenager.

Tom Logan, a sales executive from Reading, said: "I knew he was going to do some body-popping, but you just assume he'll go for Herbie Hancock, or maybe Chaka Kahn.

"But then he only goes and does Singin' in the Rain. And then they only go and soak him while he's doing it. I was so entertained I couldn't sleep."

Those who were not comprehensively transfixed by the moist breakdancer surrendered three hours of their lives to a programme devised by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

BBC's You'll Watch Anything was won by whoever did the least awful impersonation of that woman from Oliver! whose name no-one can ever remember.

Hilary Barnes, a consultant physiotherapist from Swindon, pointed at her copy of the Mail on Sunday, screaming: "Oooh! Ah, ah! Eeeh, eeeh, eeeh!"

The BBC has now overhauled its autumn and winter schedules to consist entirely of members of the public and their pathetic attempts at tap dancing.

Meanwhile those who were not watching television devoted their Saturday night to getting drunk on a dangerously crowded train.