Bull blames all its problems on testicle envy
A BULL has claimed that its species is being victimised for having testicles much larger than those of humans.
Bull Tom Logan, who is popularly known as El Diablo Negro, was a reluctant participant in Pamplona’s bull running event last night.
He said: “If I had smaller bollocks, like a labrador, I’m certain I would be left alone to do the things that I like to do, principally eating grass, standing under trees and clambering awkwardly onto heffers.
“But because we bulls have bigger stones than the average male human fuckwit, there’s a weird dynamic that means they have to constantly ‘test themselves’ against us in some idiotic fashion.
“It’s definitely a ball thing. No one ever goes ‘look how long that squirrel’s tail is, let’s stick spears in it until it bites us’.”
Logan gored a student through the leg during his forced rampage through the streets of Pamplona.
He said: “Everyone’s like ‘ooh he gored someone, bulls are so aggressive’.
“Well guess what – I’ve got massive horns sticking out of my head and you’re making me run down a crowded street full of drunk people. Whether I like it or not, someone’s getting impaled.
“I did shout for an ambulance but everyone thought it was a bellow of animal rage. You simply cannot win in these situations, I tell you.”