Bull blames all its problems on testicle envy

A BULL has claimed that its species is being victimised for having testicles much larger than those of humans.

Every day there's hassle

Bull Tom Logan, who is popularly known as El Diablo Negro, was a reluctant participant in Pamplona’s bull running event last night.

He said: “If I had smaller bollocks, like a labrador, I’m certain I would be left alone to do the things that I like to do, principally eating grass, standing under trees and clambering awkwardly onto heffers.

“But because we bulls have bigger stones than the average male human fuckwit, there’s a weird dynamic that means they have to constantly ‘test themselves’ against us in some idiotic fashion.

“It’s definitely a ball thing. No one ever goes ‘look how long that squirrel’s tail is, let’s stick spears in it until it bites us’.”

Logan gored a student through the leg during his forced rampage through the streets of Pamplona.

He said: “Everyone’s like ‘ooh he gored someone, bulls are so aggressive’.

“Well guess what – I’ve got massive horns sticking out of my head and you’re making me run down a crowded street full of drunk people. Whether I like it or not, someone’s getting impaled.

“I did shout for an ambulance but everyone thought it was a bellow of animal rage. You simply cannot win in these situations, I tell you.”