Dawkins crucifies velociraptor in Bishop of Southwark’s garden

05-04-12

PROFESSOR Richard Dawkins has crucified a plastic dinosaur in a bishop’s garden during a seven-hour rampage.

Dawkins heard non-supernatural voices in his head

Dawkins arrived at the Bishop of Southwark’s residence in the early hours of this morning, swigging from a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and carrying the life-sized replica velociraptor along with some planks, nails and a hammer.

He proceeded to goose-step around the garden, wearing a plastic Charles Darwin mask, and singing I am the Resurrection by the Stone Roses.

A visibly agitated Dawkins then climbed onto the roof of the bishop’s house and threw fossils at passers-by until a police marksman was able to stun the eminent naturalist with a tranquiliser dart.

An Oxford University spokesman said: “Easter is a particularly trying time for Richard.

“Everywhere you go there are crosses and religion and stuff, and we have to keep a very close eye on him as he’s liable to go completely Cuculus Canorus.

“Last year he filled a pterodactyl egg with fun-size Mars Bars and threw it at Sister Wendy Beckett. And in 2010 he rode a donkey to Canterbury dressed as a trilobite.

“Fortunately, this year the disturbance was relatively minor, and there was little damage, thank God.

“Sorry, I meant thank blind fate, driven by a series of random genetic mutations.”

 

 

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