Father’s Day not as important because dads didn’t push a human through a relatively small hole

THE average Father’s Day spend is 44 per cent less than Mother’s Day because dads did not suffer between 12 and 72 hours of agony, experts have confirmed. 

Children have explained to their fathers that they only get beer and a shit card while mum gets flowers, a meal out and lavish gifts due to the relative pain involved.

12-year-old Tom Booker said: “Thing is, dad, your cock’s fine, isn’t it?

“It didn’t really have to go through anything. While we still had that poster about pelvic floor exercises on the back of the bathroom door when I was learning to read.

“Mum had stitches, you had a cigar. I don’t think you really deserve to be taken to that air show, do you?

“You did the minimum. Here’s some fudge.”

Mother Anne Booker said: “It’s fair enough. I haven’t been right since.”