Londoner helplessly lost in unfamiliar part of London

A WOMAN from Tower Hamlets has absolutely no idea how to get around Mayfair, it has emerged.

Francesca Johnson agreed to meet her friend Kate in a pub near Green Park station, a place she had never been before despite having lived in London her entire life.

Johnson said: “Kate’s visiting from a place in the countryside called Bristol. She wanted to meet in Mayfair for some reason, as though there’s no pubs in Mile End.

“Like all Londoners, I never willingly travel more than thirty minutes from my front door, and I mentally shut down whenever someone mentions a postcode with a W in it.

“I had to pretend I come here all the time, although the closest I’ve been is when I feel asleep drunk on the night bus and ended up in Bond Street at 3am.”

She added: “I can’t check my phone because the locals will know I’m not from round here and jump me.

“I only just found out that Berkeley Square is a real place. I thought it was fictional, like Acacia Avenue, or Baker Street.”