Man in great mood can’t tell anyone it’s because he’s scored coke

A MAN in an uncharacteristically buoyant mood is unable to tell his colleagues it is due to having scored two grams of cocaine for the weekend.

Systems engineer Nathan Muir, usually known for his foul temper in the workplace, has blamed his high spirits on the sun shining, his upcoming October holiday and the return of Robot Wars.

He said: “When Ellie in the office caught me whistling, I had to claim I was excited to finally get that shed built, not because I was gonna be snorting yayo in an illegal dubstep club until 5am.

“And when I exclaimed ‘Shit yeah, I forgot about that,’ to myself when I thought I was alone in the toilets, I told my boss it was his malfunctioning email server that had come to mind, not that ‘Milky Pete’ was bringing a bag of Es.”

On Monday, Muir intends to explain his constant sniffles and short fuse on having picked up a cold which will cause him to leave work early.