Membership of doomsday cults up 8,000 percent

18-03-17

DOOMSDAY cults have seen a huge rise in new members over the last six months, it has emerged.

Cults claiming they will protect people when the End of Days arrives have confirmed they are finding it hard to handle the influx of new members.

Julian Cook, who runs a medium-sized doomsday cult in Peterborough, said: “The numbers have gone through the roof. I might even have to anoint some sort of doomsday secretary to deal with all the extra paper work.

“Usually we only get the poor, unstable and misguided joining us, but lately we’ve been getting school teachers, designers, engineers, all kinds.

“Couple of famous footballers too. Naming no names, but one of them rhymes with ‘Lank Frampard’.”

Mary Fisher, a new member of Stevenage and Hatfield Doomsday Cult, added: “I was either going to join a gym, a doomsday cult or the Lib Dems. This feels like the right choice.”

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