New employee doing some serious arse-licking

02-10-17

A COMPANY’S new recruit is really quite something when it comes to ingratiating himself with bosses, everyone has noticed.

After joining Trident Bathrooms a week ago, marketing assistant Martin Bishop has been finding pointless extra work to do and paying nauseating compliments to managers.

Co-worker Nikki Hollis said: “Martin keeps asking to do things like set up an office suggestions box to ‘improve efficiency’. I’ve got a suggestion – fuck off Martin, you creep.

“What’s worse is his blatant crawling to management. He actually said, ‘If anyone can make the new marketing strategy fly it’s you, Gavin!’.

“I think even his bosses are freaked out by it. I have literally never heard anyone complimented on owning a completely unremarkable rucksack.”

Bishop said: “It’s fantastic to be working for a company with such a great ethos and visionary management.

“There’s nothing weird about constantly praising your boss for his golf handicap. Those tiny little balls must be impossible to hit and the holes are miles away.”

Bishop’s line manager Roy Hobbs said: “Martin is a vile little toady who I have no intention of promoting but it’s good having someone to wash your car in their lunch hour.”

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