Team researching Scottish redheads not expected to survive
RESEARCHERS studying the habits of ginger-haired Scots have accepted their work is a suicide mission.
An Institute for Studies team is collecting data on the mating, drinking and fighting routines of the famously volatile species.
Institute for Studies’ director Professor Henry Brubaker said: “It’s one of those jobs like entering a malfunctioning reactor at Fukushima.
“You’re doing it for the shared benefit of humanity, but you know it’s a one-way ticket.
“Even if their flailing fists don’t get you, there’s the inevitable liver damage from the drinking sessions.”
Team member Emma Bradford said: “Literally nothing is known about Scottish redheads, it’s always been impossible to get close to them. We think they live on stout and toffee.
“Survival would be a bonus, but whatever happens it’ll be worth it to meet the cool girl from Doctor Who.”
In 2008 a team of scientists in kevlar body armour entered a flat-roofed Glasgow pub known for its high concentration of flame-hairs.
Armed police later recovered a helmet covered in bite marks, no other remains were found.