Team researching Scottish redheads not expected to survive

08-11-12

RESEARCHERS studying the habits of ginger-haired Scots have accepted their work is a suicide mission.

Don’t make eye contact and avoid sudden movements

An Institute for Studies team is collecting data on the mating, drinking and fighting routines of the famously volatile species.

Institute for Studies’ director Professor Henry Brubaker said: “It’s one of those jobs like entering a malfunctioning reactor at Fukushima.

“You’re doing it for the shared benefit of humanity, but you know it’s a one-way ticket.

“Even if their flailing fists don’t get you, there’s the inevitable liver damage from the drinking sessions.”

Team member Emma Bradford said: “Literally nothing is known about Scottish redheads, it’s always been impossible to get close to them. We think they live on stout and toffee.

“Survival would be a bonus, but whatever happens it’ll be worth it to meet the cool girl from Doctor Who.”

In 2008 a team of scientists in kevlar body armour entered a flat-roofed Glasgow pub known for its high concentration of flame-hairs.

Armed police later recovered a helmet covered in bite marks, no other remains were found.

 

 

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